Blue Bell Knoll

I wish some mornings that I could forget the feeling of a true embrace. Those few moments between dream and wakefulness, when my body resonates with the profound loss of an unexpected love, are difficult to bear, alone as I have been for so long. I have no defences against myself, behind my closed eyes.

Daughter of the lios alfar and tlywyth teg alike, and I can’t even keep the dreams of the neverworld away. I fear I may be losing my grasp on the waking world, and I am in great danger. I’m not sure I want to know what is real and what is never any longer…

I had another one of those dreams last night. Woke up with “Blue Bell Knoll” in my head, tears falling out of my face, and a hole where my heart used to be. It hurts so much to have these remembrances of the future that never happened brought back to me while I’m helpless.

She was tall, taller even than I, taller than she had ever been, and slim, as in her youth, when we first met, but not young. Slim, as after a war, or an illness, but as beautiful as ever, come into her own at last. If anything, she is more attractive now.

Perhaps it is only the passing of the cross quarter day that brings the neverworld so close. Goddess defend me.